The Pagan Blog Project 2012 – A

Originally, I was wanting to go with Ancestors.  Ancestor worship and tribal connection is a big part of my path. There have been a lot of posts about Ancestors these last two weeks if you follow the PBP on Facebook.

As I began to write about my ancestors, I found something else was taking shape in it’s place.  Something that has needed working out for a while.  Something that will need to be completed before other work can really begin:

My spiritual beliefs tend to be a smattering of Celtic Paganism, Neo-Druidry and Heathenism.  My Craft practise is kitchen/hedge witchery and a bit of eclectic Wicca – or it was, when I practised regularly.

That was a few years ago now.  Life got complicated, as life often does.  I am hoping that this project will get me thinking in the right frame of mind again.  That it will get me remembering what I’d learned over more than 10 years of study and practise.  That it will get me dusting off my long neglected skills and starting to practise again.

In the last year or so, I’ve found myself a bit lonely.  It’s not that I haven’t been around people.  I’ve been very social these last few years and made a lot of new friends.  What I’ve been missing is me.

Too much of my life has been temporary these last few years.  Too many of my memories and treasures have been packed away for too long.

My new friends know the ‘new’ me.  The me they know has never been heavy.  She’s never had pink hair.  She’s never been a practising witch.

I like the new me.  The slender me.  The blond me. The ‘Living in the Moment’ me.

But, the new me is still incomplete.  I think it’s time to merge the two.  I think its time to pick through the pieces of the Broken Girl to find what will add the most beauty to the mosaic of the future me.

Part of that challenge will be acceptance.  There are a lot of things that I dislike about myself.  There are a lot of things that I do like about myself.

I am a stubborn person.  This has both served and hindered me in my life.  Accepting my flaws and imperfections has never been easy for me – even as I find the beauty in flaw and frailty that makes up humanity in others.

I am human too.  I have flaw.  I have frailty.  I can be hurt, and there is no shame in expressing it.  This I know intellectually.  It’s time to know it soul deep.

We experience the world through our emotions. Passion, love, pain, anger – these emotions can give birth to beauty.  Embracing them is not weakness.  I accept this.  I need to accept that it is also a part of me.  No more redirecting.  No channelling.  Feel it.  Know it.

I will accept myself: scars, wrinkles and all of the other flaws that make me beautifully human.  This is easy to say.  Doing it will require work.  But it is work I am no longer afraid of.

A is for Acceptance.

One thought on “The Pagan Blog Project 2012 – A”

  1. i love this! it is exactly where i am spiritually. i feel my self love is wrapped in purpose, and sadly purpose is vague for most of life it seems. thanks for writing!

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