She changes everything she touches. Everything She touches changes.
This chant has been on my mind lately. And the “She”, to me, is Time.
This post has been in progress for a while now. I have been thinking about where I began on this path so many years ago, what I wanted from it, what I hoped to find in the online Pagan community, what I wanted from life in general, and how all that differs from where I find myself now.
I think it safe to say that I have moved pretty much completely out of the “Maiden” phase of my life (if you subscribe to such a theory). I don’t go looking to be different, to carve out my identity, to find a place and a path that is just the perfect fit.
I’ve done that. For years I did that. Even when I first started trying to make my own way, I was still searching. Still hoping for someone to tell me I was doing it right. Trying so hard to live up to some imaginary standard. Am I eco enough, am I liberal enough, am I honourable enough, am I artistic enough, am I enough? It gets to the point where you feel like you’re drowning.
And then, as they say, Life Happens. Things change, and you find yourself without the time to worry about such things. My life smashed my thumb with a hammer and brought me back to hyper focus. I could no longer force myself to care about the things that used to occupy my mind in my youth.
I lost all interest in the things that made the Pagan Community tick. Aside from the constant fighting and outrage over the misrepresentation of the week, the addiction to study and record keeping lost its lustre for me as well. My sought after project, creating a big book of shadows to pass down to my children, became less and less important once my children actually arrived.
These days, I’d rather capture their smiles with my D80 while running in the sunshine or run with them, than think about herbal remedies or crystal healing. When my baby is cutting a tooth, I reach for the gripe water – the same brand that my mom used when I was a baby. When my little girl scrapes her knee, polysporin goes on the bandage.
There are no poultices or potions. The only thing I still really make myself is hand lotion. The only remedy I really use is honey for a sore throat.
Does this make me less a Witch? Does the lack of a practise or the lack of a solid theology make me less of a Pagan? Does it matter to me any more?
The last one I can answer: Nope.
The practises I used regularly in my youth can still be called on when needed. I can still move energy through my body with a single breath. I use it when I need it (and with a teething baby, trust me, it’s needed).
These days I don’t like to think in terms of differences. I like seeing how many “New Age” practises have been accepted into the mainstream, and just are generally accepted parts of life. I like thinking about people as fundamentally the same. We all think, we all feel, we all need.
So where does that leave us? This blog has evolved slowly over the years, and will probably continue to do so. I have been thinking about what it would take to finish the Wheel of the Year page. And whether I should keep it as a reference. Beltane is coming up. Hopefully, we will be done with snow by then. We’ll see. I have a new book I’m reading for an Animist Book Club dealie. Keep ‘em peeled for a post on that.
I may or may not post more on FB. I am tending to prefer IG for my social media right now. Now that it is starting to get sunny and warm, I will have more to post. I’m also going to start-up the 52 Weeks of Calgary BP again. Stay tuned.
This is the part where I daydream of spring and green and lovely light dresses and enjoying the sunshine without need of a coat.
Once again, I spent the spring equinox watching yet another layer of snow fall from the sky. The Equinox used to be one of my favourite holidays. These days, it just reminds me that we still have about 6 more weeks before spring is anywhere close to arriving.
I may have under estimated how much of my time would be taken up by trying to pack up house and move with two littles running around. I haven’t managed to get out with my camera in a while. But blog projects are flexible, right? That the point of the whole ‘Blogging Without Obligation’ deal anyway.
It has come to the time of year that I am getting it in my head to write a few thinkie posts. First up will be a look at where I am in the spectrum of ‘Paganism’ again. I have pretty well completely withdrawn from the online community … it stopped actually feeling like a community some time ago. One thing that I have noticed is that rudimentary Paganisms seem to have been absorbed by the homesteading/handiworks communities, which I think is awesome.
I love that concepts like living with gratitude, appreciating the moment, meditation, and a wholistic point of view are no longer things that scream “Pagan”. It’s just something people do. I guess if I had to think of a hope for modern Paganism, it would be that it stop being a thing that people noticed as different. I believe that is slowly happening. It makes me smile.
February has been the month of doom at our house. From colds to colic to more colds and more colic … lets just not talk about it. Between bouts of screaming, crying, whining, packing, hot tea, more coffee than I should admit to drinking, and desperate prayers for just a hint of spring, I have been keeping busy ;)
I’ve been knitting a few things, felting a few things, reading books and magazines made of paper (old school, right?), and I finally finished up my first “for sale” dolly.
We will be moving soon, and I am fairly preoccupied with that. Packing with two littles underfoot is not a treat.
I picked up a new rotary cutter for sewing that I am dying to try out. And I think I have completely forgotten about the Art Journal project I was working on. I should check to see how behind I am in that one. Life never stays on that even keel you find when you sign up for things, does it?
Ah well, no worries. I have goodies coming in the mail! I am having so much fun getting back into sewing and knitting bigger projects, add to that the awesomeness of packages in the mail, and I think I can probably deal with just about anything. I may have to do more of my shopping online. Would that make me a shut in? I do go out for groceries … and coffee when it is not -20 (we all need the exercise when we can get it).
I have also become addicted to the magazine Taproot. I may subscribe after we are settled in the new house. I am in love with the simple life. I like that even in a busy city like Calgary, I can live at my own pace. I have discovered that that is what is keeping me sane out here. I don’t need everyone around me to live the small town life. I can do it in my own neighbourhood on my own block.
Well, it’s time to get dinner going – have a coffee on me ;)
Today I have discovered that February is the month when we knitters (and other fibre artists presumably) return to colour after a long fall and winter of neutrals and grays.
I am all for this convention as February marks not only my birthday, but also a festival devoted to fire, warmth, and crafting. It’s short, but February is an awesome month!
My ‘In Colour’ projects for the month of February will be the Lizzie Shawl in Tea Rose,
And a new pair of baby legs since the Little Girl has pretty well outgrown the pair I made her when she was 6 months old (she hasn’t outgrown them completely. She has skinny legs, that kid). The new pair will feature pom-poms.
What are your plans for getting back into colour?
Yesterday, we spring like temperatures, so the family and I decided to take advantage of the sunshine and go out for a bit of a walk.